I am near my boiling point. In work, love, life. But more on love, I am close to giving up. Algn and I as much as possible doesn't talk about our plans especially with each other. We both think it might jinx our relationship. She is the type of person who only plans for her future (not with anyone else). And I, I have been there. In my past relationship (with a girl) we made so many plans that when we broke up, it just left us both disappointed. From then on, I told myself that planning my life with another person might be a curse. Plans especially mutual plans just makes break up harder. With Algene, we live our lives one day at a time. We do talk about our "plans" sometimes, but they're all open-ended and indefinite. We are aware that time may change us and all we could do is trust time hoping that in the end it would still bring us back together. But she's my longest ever, and I am too. So sometimes I can't help but daydream, a life with her by my side. Well, I have plans...secret plans. But I'm afraid to share it with her since I know her too well, and I know she'll just answer me with a "wag na natin pagusapan yan" or "epal" hehe. She often tells me she misses me and she often IM's me with millions of job openings in Dubai, but she never has a Plan B aka "desperate plan to be with you". I understand that she wants to be with me but she'd rather suffer being far away from me than sacrifice my career for her. It is mostly architects and engineers that are in demand in Dubai. And I love her for that.

So this morning we had a chat, she told me she wants to buy a new car there. It really pissed me off because a new car means a new loan which equates to no savings and she not coming home for a long time. I am against it. I want her to save because that's the reason she's so far away from me. So she could earn more and save. And her brilliant idea to buy a car is not gonna help with her saving. Then we fought. And she went on saying I should go to Singapore because that's where I would be able to find jobs that's within my line of work. Then I stopped typing responses... I just stared at the monitor 'coz my head was spinning. At the back of my head I was thinking, "How long? How long do I still have to wait? I only want to ber with her." :c Then she buzzed me asking why I'm not answering back, so I just replied with an "Okay." It's more like an "Okay, whatever you say I give up". Right then and there I wanted to tell her why should we even bother, we both could just walk away from this thing we have and live our lives separately so we don't have to deal with this fucking distance anymore. That's when she said "I do have plans for us. I just want to be stable first before you get here". She said she wants to buy a car so that when I get there I won't ever have to deal with their harrowing problem of sky high taxi meter and the stress of finding a cab or riding a bus with smelly pakistanis on 'em. She said that she wants to make life easier for me 'coz right now for her (or them) it's hard as hell. Even with free company accommodation it's still hard as hell. Then she said I must now learn how to cook so that when I get there I could just cook for her. I started to smile. She actually have plans for us. :) I told her I'd do anything except clean the toilet, that's when another discussion started. I will never EVER scrub the toilet!

My point is ( I actually have a point! Haha!) why is it that every time I find a reason to walk away, she then gives me a hundred reasons to stay. Everytime I feel like giving up, she utters something then suddenly everything becomes okay. Whenever I feel close to giving up, she talks to me then it feels like everything is as easy as it should be.

Oh, the wonders of love and misery.

P.S. After talking to her on IM I called her telling her I am "toey". If you know what I mean. Haha! No honey, it's not just about THAT. Although, it kinda is. :P You know you miss me :)

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