I just realized that I actually do have a criteria when it comes to LOVE. Yuck. My criteria is going on a head-on collision with my criteria. Crazy? Confusing? I Know. Well, I've always said (and believed) that people who have set qualifications for their prince (or princess) charming, most often than not falls for the person who never scored a point against their checklist. Most girls (including boys) have set ideals when it comes to finding the perfect person to be together forever with. Well, I've seen a LOT of my friends defy their set-up requisites. Threw away their "ideal" list out the door the moment their other half swept them off their loveless feet. And those guys they are now with, well they don't have the slightest resemblance with my girlfriend's established prince-ish character. To save faces, I would just use my own miserable (miserably in love, yuck.) self as an example. Haha!

People often asks me, "What traits or qualities do you want in a man/woman?".. (I just love being me, I've got options baby!). So going back, my answer would always be "I don't have any". Well, sometimes I just say that due to boredom, indifference or to save myself from the agony of thinking and analyzing too much. I've got more important things to do, and I would go for anyone I want anyway (regardless of their characteristics). BUT, in a secret corner in my mind I'd say I want someone who's/whom:

1) Sweet and who cares for me.
2) I can laugh with, burp to and fart to. Swear. I have my own imposed level of relationship comfortability (don't correct me, the term's from my own dictionary).
3) Would fight for me 'til hell freezes over and just be there whenever.
4) Gonna love my friends just because.

God knows, I would do all that AND MORE to anyone I am romantically together with. I am with someone right now and she's a million miles behind the traits I mentioned above. Different. Just SO different. Well, different AND indifferent. One, she's not sweet. She just sent a letter saying she's not an affectionate and emotional person (if I only knew it's innate, grrrr), and I am a self-confessed freakingly mushy girlfriend. So how's that gonna ever work? It's still working anyway, for 3 years now. And she said even if she's cold as an iced beer (bittersweet cold), it will never change the fact that she loves me so much. SCORE! You're redeemed. You owe your 4 page letter, BIG TIME.

Well, Algene is a self proclaimed introvert. She doesn't enjoy going to clubs or attending beer- drowning-til-our-livers-overflow sessions. She doesn't talk to people unless they pass her "safe for friendship" screening. That's why I never felt threatened that she might find another. One advantage I'm getting from her that I like. Thank God.

I..am totally her opposite. I am the definition of BUBBLY, extrovert, loud and friendly. I am lil miss sunshine while Algn have the worst moodswings eveeeer. I could pass for a career in politics and she, well she can work as...an Architect. Haha that's what she currently is. But when you get to know her, and even her close friends can attest, that she will eat a livewire and cross over a burning bridge for them. She's the type of person who care less on what people may think of her as long as she gets to say how she feels. That's why she's often misunderstood. Even I, don't get her. AND I, I feel happy seeing people die from laughter and smiles. It's like we're living on different galaxies. We're like stars, we often collide, but then like stars our collisions don't always end in mass annihilation... sometimes it showcase millions of beautiful falling stars. Maybe they're right, we have an equilibrium.

She's also still semi-closeted. Her family have no idea she's gay. So when we went to Bohol with her Mom to meet her whole clan, I got sky-high stressed. Smiling the whole day, pretending I am not pissed, controlling my yearning and urges to just kiss and hug her in front of everyone, and not being able to smoke (darn!) was more stressful than my work deadline or my mom's best nagging voice. I fucking swear. It was the most non-relaxing vacation EVER. On the contrary, I am OUT. My whole family knows. My dad and my tita's been asking me if I have plans on going to Dubai. Whenever we fight and I try to ignore her by turning my cel off, she would dial my mom's number so I'd have no choice but to speak with her coz she knows I don't want my Mom to know whenever we argue. She's friends with my friends (she tries to smile while secretly nudging me; a code she wants out), my cousins, everyone. Even my mom's side (who's ultimately conservative) now knows. My officemates know, my boss know, fuck! the whole world knows! Hahahaha! I am so blessed I am surrounded by people who loves me and understands that anybody should never be deprived to love just because they disagree with it or just because it's against the social norms. So there, I know our situation should be the other way arround, and I asked her once if she wears a dress at home, well she obviously looks boyish. Maybe her family's still in denial. Either way, I'd fight for her when the time comes.

I know she is not the ideal partner. I would not say she's difficult to deal with (as others would nonchalantly say), but she's...UNIQUE. As much as I rant and rant and rant about her traits, In my heart I know that those were the same reasons why I'm head over heels inlove with her. What's perfect for others, might not be perfect for me. As much as I say I want her around all the time, I realized that I don't want someone who's clingy, always at my face and all over me. I know it would only annoy me to death. And it will make me un-niceish, i never ever want to be un-niceish. And I appreciate that because of her we're growing together individually. Hundreds of miles have torn us apart, but at the end of each day we know that even if we live our dreams separately we are still binded by our "sparks" (weh baduy) and love. And after everything, I realized she might really be the one carrying me through this relationship.

Maybe, I was and will never be after a fairytale kind of lovestory,. Maybe I never wanted a so very perfect prince (or princess) charming. Just look at my exes. They all have attitudes. Haha! I never had a breezy relationship, it either always end up in heartbreak or disappointment. I had one ex-boyfriend who was again "perfect". He was always there, always at my back, always available, and was scared of my mom. We were like Mr. and Mrs. Cinderella during our dates. coz we had to scamper and be home before the clock strikes 12 (my curfew back then). After a month, I hid from him. I realized I can't ever love him. Well, I tried. My friends said it is easy to be with someone now and like or love them later. Well, I learned my lesson. I CAN NEVER DO THAT. They can, but not me. Besides, breaking up with someone is so fucking hard to do! I will never EVER do that again. Oh, he drove his cousin's car towards a tree. Just plain stupid. Don't ever try that at home. It will never bring exes back.

So all that made me realize, I make my own criteria everytime. And it changes and changes, just like the weather! Haha. As for my current lovestory, I have been lost for almost 3 years now, as to how she really feels about me. And when that letter came (her first ever!) it suddenly became my..OUR salvation. Now, I'm looking forward to living my dreams, this time with her...together. I bet we'd end up one day in some dark police cell as we continuously shout at each other over burnt dinner.

* Duckie and her baby: her camera. She's so techie . Fishie loves vintage and would wait for her cellphone to die before ever replacing them.

* Role-play boohoo! Duckie hates kids. Fishie loves JD our cute ampon. :)

* Thought I said she hates booze?! For the sake of camaraderie Duckie downs a few shots of tequila. Fishie loves anything with alchohol. Even that Rhea Rubbing one. Yum.

* But Duckie and Fishie loves their friends. :) They'd both drown for them.

Baby Girl, you spell L-O-V-E.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you for visiting my humble blog! I read all your comments (even though I don't reply often). So keep them coming! Love to everyone:)